"Too Many Painful Memories, Shit Hurts To Say..."

So..I'm missing my son now more than ever. Like it's finally kicking in..today I was actually thinking about my reactions when they told me Mente didn't make it. I was devasted. I wish this on no one but I couldn't help but think why me? My worst nightmare/fear came true. I felt like my world fell apart. I'm not really good at handling my feelings. I mistreat the people I love and take them for granted. I feel like sometimes I don't really have anything from holding me back. I've been unhappy for a long time. The only person that makes me feel like I mean something is Aubrey. I don't really bring up the baby much in conversation which makes Aubrey feel like she is going through this alone and I hate that. I went straight back to work. After I lost the most precious thing that ever meant to me. I couldn't handle it and didn't know how to. Plus I had to take care of Aubrey. The painful memory floats around in my heart and in my mind somewhere. I see all these children and I think nothing of it but now I see them and I long for my son to be in my arms again. I'd give anything to have him back. All I can do is think about my beautiful child as the time flies.