Lil Wayne Singing Shot For Me @ Drake's Concert

This Could Get Interesting..

So I'm liking this blogging deal. It feels refreshing putting myself out here for people to see. I'm a pretty private person and you only see what I allow you to see. Some people get a glimpse of me..I have a lot of trust issues so it'll take some time for me to open to you. Well this blog will shorten that time with some of you. I'm going to give you true, raw thoughts from myself.




‎"I promise to give you me, the real me." - Drake

"Too Many Painful Memories, Shit Hurts To Say..."

So..I'm missing my son now more than ever. Like it's finally kicking in..today I was actually thinking about my reactions when they told me Mente didn't make it. I was devasted. I wish this on no one but I couldn't help but think why me? My worst nightmare/fear came true. I felt like my world fell apart. I'm not really good at handling my feelings. I mistreat the people I love and take them for granted. I feel like sometimes I don't really have anything from holding me back. I've been unhappy for a long time. The only person that makes me feel like I mean something is Aubrey. I don't really bring up the baby much in conversation which makes Aubrey feel like she is going through this alone and I hate that. I went straight back to work. After I lost the most precious thing that ever meant to me. I couldn't handle it and didn't know how to. Plus I had to take care of Aubrey. The painful memory floats around in my heart and in my mind somewhere. I see all these children and I think nothing of it but now I see them and I long for my son to be in my arms again. I'd give anything to have him back. All I can do is think about my beautiful child as the time flies.

09/23/11

Oh man...today was another trying day for me. I'm just taking it day by day. The only problem I'm having is with Aubrey's parents. I didn't call them to inform them about what happened b/c those were Aubrey's wishes. That didn't stop them for trying to "scald" me last night. For Aubrey, I kept my mouth shut..but they have no idea what I'm going. They just see their daughter suffering and not myself. She's not the only one who lost somebody. For Aubrey's sake I'll carry those crosses. I wish they'd have more compassion for me, I mean it hadn't been less than 3 hrs before they ran their mouths. They have a lotta of balls saying anything b/c they don't have a right.  Mrs. Jordan asked me will I forgive her and I said I'd try. She told me she'd try too. Like wtf? Forgive me for what? Loving your daughter so damn much? Being there for her through thick and then? GTFO with that shit..the only this hatchet will never be buried, you bitch.  Looking at me like I was the reason all this happened..FUCK YOU! The only thing I'm guilty of is loving my son and Aubrey to death. You can go to hell with all that bullshit. Mr. Jordan I'm not gonna hold anything towards b/c you're a coward and it'd be insult to injury to say anything else to you. I just hope my son, my little angel is in heaven praying for his parents comfort and healing. I love you baby boo and I hope you're safe up there. We'll reunite soon..I promise Mente. Save me a spot and know that your momma and daddy love you forever.

09/22/11

I wrote this the day after the worst day of my life.


They say, "God works in mysterious ways.", also that, "We never know what He has in store for us and everything that happens to us is apart of God's plans. I sure hope He knows what He is doing. He just took one of the most important pieces of my life today. I'm keeping my faith and praying my son makes a safe trip to heaven. It doesn't seem real at all, I feel so torn up inside. Unfortunately, I don't have the time to dwell about my losses. I have to be strong for my Bree Bear. I'm thankful for the love & prayers I'm getting from Family & Friends. I really need it in this time of need.